Chapter 1 - A Wedding or a Hanging
Piccolo decided to put a pause on his dedicated non-stop training so that he could qualify for a "I defeated the Androids" t-shirt. Why did he stop? Because Kami wanted to talk to him.
Besides, this particular summons had been delivered by a somber American carrying a noose.
* * *
"Mr. Popo, is everything ready?" Kami asked.
"Becca here. Piccolo coming here."
"Good." Kami turned towards a figure cloaked in shadow. "I'm sorry, Becca, but I've searched the world over and Piccolo is the only one who can put up with your temper and stubbornness."
"Shouldn't it be the other way around?"
".... No." Kami paused, trying to figure out how to say the next sentence as dramatically as possible. "You remember how you're supposed to act until the you-know-what?"
"You mean, the battle?"
He sighed. "Yes, the battle. Do you remember how you need to act until then?"
"I'm supposed to be timid and quiet. I'm to only listen to classical music and not read science fiction or fantasy. I must be naive, but I can be smart."
"You must also only wear dresses and skirts."
"Piccolo here," Mr. Popo said suddenly.
* * *
"What do you want, Kami?"
Becca remained in the shadows.
Kami paused before speaking. "If you had an heir, you and I could pass on the dragonballs to him. Thus, even if you died, the dragonballs will still exist."
"Your point? I don't want or need an heir. If you want one, go right ahead," Piccolo sneered.
"I'm too old to take a wife," Kami murmured.
Piccolo heard it, anyway. "A wife?!"
"A wife." Kami said. Something in his voice reminded Piccolo that Kami was a god, and he was not.
"It was a challenge to find a woman who could put up with you. But as I am God... I found her. Becca, you may step into the light." Kami gestured towards the shadows.
Becca stepped forward, the cloak of shadows falling away from her. She wore a white wedding dress with a brown, furry belt. An odd hat sat on top of her short brown hair. Dark blue eyes regarded Piccolo thoughtfully.
"I'm pleased to meet you," she said politely. "Where am I?"
"Becca is eighteen, a genius, and would be at the top of her class in any college." Kami explained.
"You want me to marry jailbait?"
"Now, Piccolo, eighteen is the legal age. Do you have any other arguments?" Kami said patiently.
"No," he said sullenly.
"Good. With the powers vested in me as Kami of the Earth, I pronounce you man and wife." Kami waved his hand carelessly, while Mr. Popo presented a marriage license to Becca.
Kami started talking again, "Now, when the androids attack, you need to take Becca to the battlefield with you."
"I am not taking a child to that fight!"
"You're taking Gohan," Kami pointed out.
"That's different! He can protect himself!"
"I can take care of myself," Becca said quietly. "Besides, you'll need a healer."
"You can heal?" Piccolo asked increduously.
She nodded slowly, keeping eye contact with him the whole time.
Kami spoke up again. "I've prepared a house for you and your wife." Kami gestured, and Piccolo and Becca were teleported to their new home.
---
Chapter 2 - The Blushing Bridegroom and the Bride
Piccolo looked around the middle class, suburban home he had been teleported into. How had Kami done that?
Oh, right. Kami was a god.
Becca interrupted his musings. "Piccolo, let's get a couple of things straight. I do not love you. I'm just doing this to give Earth a better chance. Got it?"
He looked her over carefully. There was more to her than met the eye. "It takes more than a wedding to make someone fall in love."
"It takes more than sex to make somebody fall in love," she replied coldly. "Now, I need to make dinner."
***
After a delicious supper of kung pao chicken, Becca led the Namek to bed.
***
Over the next few days, Piccolo trained with Goku and Gohan every day. At night, he returned home to a beautiful wife and a tasty supper, which he barely touched.
---
Chapter 3 - Becca Gets Knocked Up
A month after the hasty marriage, Kami drove Becca into Tokyo for groceries and doujinshi.
Becca had so far refrained from asking why the God of the Earth was chauffering her around. She had already decided to leave driving in Tokyo to the professionals.
Becca picked up the items she needed quickly enough. However, Kami was in such a deep conversation with some purple-haired guy in the produce section, she had to literally drag him away. In retaliation, he took her to the doctor's office.
She came out scowling and demanded to be taken home immediately.
***
That night, Piccolo drank a glass of water and warily eyed his wife.
She was massacring the chicken. There was really no other way to describe it.
"Becca, what's wrong?"
She paused in cutting up the chicken. "I'm pregnant."
"Ah."
"When the android menace is dealt with, I'm going to kill you."
That was a trifle overboard for something she had agreed to. "If you hate me so much, why did you agree to this?"
"I don't hate you. I just don't love you." She sighed. "You're a decent guy, Piccolo. That's more than can be said for a lot of people."
***
The next day, at Goku's house, Gohan asked a question that had been bothering him lately. "Why do you go away in the evenings now, Piccolo?"
"You'll know in nine months." Piccolo smirked.
"What is that supposed to mean, Namek?" Vegeta said, while he was walking towards them.
"You'll know in nine months, Saiyan."
"Oh, sod off, Vegeta!" Gohan said. He was tired of having to restrain his mounting annoyance with the Saiyan prince.
"Are you challenging me, brat?" Vegeta asked with a look of confusion on his face.
"Briticisms don't work on Vegeta," Piccolo said to Gohan.
Before Vegeta could respond, someone yelled "Vegeta!" In a matter of seconds, Gohan found himself holding baby Trunks, while Bulma clung to Vegeta like a barnacle on a ship.
* * *
On his flight home, Piccolo thought about his wife. Except for that first day and last night, she had been unfailingly polite and quiet. Just looking at her, anyone would peg her as the most innocent of creatures. She wore long skirts and white blouses. She was almost always smiling. Her music and book collections were full of classics.
But sometimes, like last night, she was violent and moody. As if her innocence were a carefully constructed facade that slipped off whenever something monumental happened.
* * *
"Dad, what do you think Piccolo meant?" Gohan asked.
"Well, the androids are coming in nine months," Goku said sheepishly.
* * *
"Becca, do you miss your family?" Piccolo asked when he arrived home.
"Of course I do. But I've been seperated from them before. It's part of life."
"I could take you to visit your family," Piccolo offered.
"Don't worry about it. I'll live. My family will live. You'll live."
* * *
The next morning, after Piccolo had left for Goku's house, Becca picked up the phone in the kitchen and dialed the number of her best friend.
Danielle picked up after only a few rings.
"Danielle?" Becca asked.
"Becca! I haven't heard from you, since you wandered off to get married! How are you doing? Is he good-looking? What did your wedding dress look like?"
"I'm fine, thanks. And yes, he is very nice looking. But you do know my tastes are little...."
"Odd? Yeah, you like 'em colorful. I remember."
"And I'm neither describing the dress, nor sending you a pic of it. It was ugly. The hat made it look like some large bat had landed on my head."
Danielle giggled. "So what do you need?"
"I need you in Japan in nine months. The androids are arriving then, and my kid is going to be born."
"You need back-up?" Danielle asked worriedly.
"Why do you think I'm asking you to come? I know when to push." Becca smirked.
"Thank Mrifk! Baby fluids are icky!"
"I know. One other thing, you'll need to cure Goku's heart disease."
"Can do. Want me to bring you anything?"
"My CDs would be wonderful. I can have Dad ship my books out here. So, tell me how's your Dark Age of Camelot character coming?"
---
Chapter 4 - Dear Mrifk! It's the Androids!
Piccolo woke before Becca on the Day o' Doom. He got up silently, pressed his lips to her forehead and smiled down at his daughter in her crib. Then he quietly left the room.
He sat on the porch swing. The others would be here soon; Kami having changed the plans at the last minute. Now they would be gathering together four hours beforehand.
The first to arrive were Goku and Gohan.
"Hello, Piccolo," Gohan said cryptically.
Piccolo nodded in reply.
Soon after, Tien and Chaozu arrived, followed by Yamcha and Vegeta. Finally, Krillain showed up.
"What are you all's problems?" Vegeta growled. "We'll destroy those pathetic hunks of machinery. And then Kakarott and I will destroy the Earth in our epic battle."
"And Vegeta will wear his pink shirt!" Goku said cheerfully.
* * *
Becca quietly picked up her daughter. Her husband and his friends were out on the front porch. Soon enough, they would have to leave to defeat the androids. And she would follow them.
Despite what he said to Kami, Piccolo would not take her to the battlefield with him. She knew that, just as she knew that for all their training the Z-warriors would not be able to defeat the androids on their own. After all, the High God known only as O-thor did not favor them as it favored her.
She smiled down at her child. Viola was a pale green color with two knobby antennae curling out from just above her eyebrows. She had dark blue eyes like her mother; Kami expected her to grow light brown hair as well.
It would be dangerous to take her precious daughter to the battle. Kami had already bound the dragonballs to her, and what was the use of this whole conspiracy to keep Piccolo in the dark if the official reason for Becca being here was destroyed?
A small pink and purple kitten woke up suddenly and started mewling. Becca smiled, and put her daughter down. "Here, Tye-dye. Stay warm until it's time to go, both of you."
* * *
The warriors flew in silence. They had nothing to say to each other now. Now there was only time for thought. Later, there would be only time for action. Words were unimportant.
Half the city had already been destroyed, by the time they arrived.
"Dear Kami," Krillain murmured.
Goku just went Super-Saiyan. The humans were buffeted by the sheer power, but Vegeta just smirked. Then he too went Super-Saiyan.
Out of nowhere, a pair of teenagers appeared before the group. The male was black-haired with fine, almost girlish, features. He wore blue jeans and a black Red Ribbon logo shirt. He had wrapped a red bandanna around his neck. The female was blonde with identical features to the boy's. She wore a white long-sleeve shirt with a denim vest over it. A denim skirt kept her decent. The most piercing thing about the two of them were their cold, icy blue eyes.
"Nice to meet you, Goku," the boy said.
"I don't know who you are, but if you destroyed the city I will kill you." Goku growled.
"To answer your first question, I am Android 17; she is Android 18. We were created by Dr. Gereaux. Emphasis on were. And yes, we destroyed the city," Seventeen replied.
"Why would you do such a thing?" Krillain asked.
"We were bored," Eighteen explained patiently. "We're evil, therefore when we get bored, we have to cause havoc."
"Well, I'm the only one who can cause havoc on this planet!" Vegeta yelled as he flew toward Eighteen. Just as he was about to punch her, she grabbed his arm and tossed him into a nearby mountain.
Seventeen sighed. "We're trying to give some background here. Must you interrupt?"
"Kakarott!" Vegeta yelled as he climbed out of the mountain. "Watch it, they're much stronger than they look."
Seventeen sighed again. "One, we'd have to be. We look like milquetoast pantywaists. Two, we are the latest in weapons technology."
"More like killing technology!" Gohan yelled.
"That was implied." Eighteen said.
Then the androids struck!
* * *
During all this, Danielle arrived in Japan and headed over to South City. There, she admired the burning ruins for a few minutes before organizing an evacuation.
After she was done dealing with that, she headed off to an ideal spot to keep an eye on the battlefield from. She wasn't supposed to interfere until Becca gave her signal.
---
Chapter 5 - Angels Drift Downwards
Becca pulled on her shirt and smirked. She was ready to take on the androids. Pausing in front of a mirror, she admired herself.
She wore a short, black studded leather skirt and a black t-shirt advertising for Glock. Her tail was wrapped around her waist. Calf-length black boots completed the outfit.
She wrapped Viola in a blanket, and teleported to the top of a cliff near the battle. Looking down, she felt a surge of dismay. She was right. They would lose without her.
Then she stopped to consider the fact that if she waited until Piccolo bit the dust, her marriage would be void and people could still be wished back. The small voice of goodness inside her started yammering as soon as she started seriously considering that option.
She peered back over the cliff, needing to know exactly who was hurt. Vegeta was struggling to get up, but his leg was twisted at an unnatural angle. Tien and Chaozu sprawled unmoving. Krillain was paralyzed, and blood covered Yamcha's face and chest.
Goku was fighting Seventeen, but she could tell that his heart disease was kicking into high gear. Gohan and Piccolo were double-teaming Eighteen, but they were close to exhaustion and starting to make mistakes.
Eighteen grabbed Piccolo's arm and ripped it clean off.
Something exploded behind Becca's eyes. She screamed and leaped off the cliff, holding her daughter.
Everyone who could move turned to look at her. Piccolo recognized her and quickly regrew his arm. He would not let battle scar this young woman's psyche! For all her temper, she needed to be protected!
"Viola, transform," Becca said quietly.
Viola started to grow bigger. As she grew, a green glow surrounded her and she started to float.
Piccolo was flying towards Becca when he noticed her floating, as well. "Becca?"
"What part of 'I can take care of myself' did you not understand?" she asked idly. She landed softly on the ground, Viola next to her. Piccolo hovered for a moment, looking boggled.
Viola was wearing a green "Earth First" t-shirt and tight green jeans. She was about as old as Gohan, and her antennae were almost hidden by long, brown bangs.
"Oh, look. A couple of little girls have arrived, Seventeen." Eighteen called out cheerfully.
"Eighteen, the tall one is Becca Stormlord." Seventeen sighed again.
"So who's the little green eco-whacko?"
"She's not in our files."
A shout echoed out across the battlefield. "Yo! Becca, I'm here!" Danielle appeared next to the black-clad woman. She was wearing white capris and white t-shirt with an odd ying-yang on it. In one hand, she held a boombox.
"So they're both here. Pleased to meet you, Danielle deEstella." Seventeen smiled coldly.
"Oh, isn't he polite." Danielle shook her head, flinging her dark brown hair willy-nilly.
"Now, now." Seventeen chided. "There's nothing wrong with being polite."
"Who's the green tree-hugger?" Eighteen asked.
"I'm Viola P. Stormlord. And you are going down with the least amount of habitat destruction!" Viola replied.
"I can't believe I spawned an eco-whacko," Becca muttered.
"What do you think you can do to stop us?" Seventeen asked.
"This." Becca snapped her fingers. Seventeen and Eighteen rose a few feet off the ground and started swinging back and forth. "Oh yeah, Danielle, can you cure Goku's disease please?"
"Soitenly." Danielle gestured, and something dark and nasty appeared in her hand. She blew it up without a second thought.
"Uhh.... Is there a point to that?" Gohan asked, pointing towards the androids.
"They're technically dead, therefore I can make them oscilliate. It's a rather useless power of mine, but I like it. If you want, I'll stop." Becca snapped her fingers again and the androids collapsed to the ground.
Danielle wandered off to heal the other Z-warriors.
"Are you done playing games?" Seventeen asked.
"Why, are you getting worried?" Becca smirked.
"How is she doing that?" Eighteen gestured towards Danielle.
"We are the Warrior Angels. We do this shit." Becca said, before kicking Eighteen into a nearby mountain. She smiled, and then powered up. Her hair turned completely black.
Danielle and Viola followed suit. Danielle's hair turned white, while Viola's turned green.
"I am the Black Angel. I'm a killer."
"I am the White Angel. I'm a clown."
"I am the Green Angel. I'm a priestess gone to town."
"I'm Seventeen. Now that we're introduced, can we get on with this battle?"
In a flash of green, Viola attacked. Danielle pressed the play button on her boombox and AC/DC's "T.N.T." began to play.
Viola didn't give Eighteen a chance to defend herself. After whupping Eighteen's ass and loosening the blonde's screws, Viola turned towards to Seventeen.
"I don't think so," he said before blasting her. Viola screamed as she fell from the air. Gohan caught her and laid her on the ground, wincing as he saw the wound.
"Viola!" Becca yelled. She flew at Seventeen, but he just blocked her attacks before tossing her through the air. She righted herself quickly.
"Danielle, get over here!" Becca yelled.
"Okies."
Danielle appeared at Becca's side almost instantaneously.
"Oh, how cute. Two girls who think they have a chance." Seventeen sneered.
Danielle started to glow white, while Becca glowed black. Their glows flowed into each other, concealing the two girls. When it dissipated, there was only one girl standing. She had grey hair and grey eyes. She wore baggy, grey jeans and a Grateful Dead t-shirt.
"We are the Grey Angel," she said with an odd double-voice. "We are neither the annoying girl nor the psychotic girl. We are the instrument of your defeat! We are MARY SUE!"
"Okay...." Seventeen said slowly.
The Grey Angel just smiled and waved her hand. Seventeen exploded in a brilliant flash.
"Despite how good-looking you were, Seventeen, your wit annoyed me," she said.
Slowly, she split into the two girls. They settled down to the ground slowly. Becca scrambled over to her daughter. Danielle followed close behind her.
"You're going to be fine, Viola." Becca assured her daughter. Danielle laid her hands upon the gaping hole in Viola's stomach and a white glow surrounded it. Slowly, the wound closed up.
"Thank you," Viola said.
Becca smiled before gently placing her hand on Viola's head. "Viola, detransform."
Viola looked alarmed before rapidly returning to her baby state. Becca gathered her up in the blanket that had reappeared and strode over to her husband.
The Z-warriors stared at her. Eighteen was starting to regain consciousness.
"So the little Namek had a wife," Vegeta sneered. "And she's more powerful than he is."
"I'm more powerful than you are, Vegeta," she said frostily. "And unlike Danielle, my morals are fairly relaxed."
"Is that a threat?"
"Well, short and pointy-haired, harems are all the rage where I come from."
He sneered. She grabbed him and kissed him passionately, before turning to Piccolo. "Are you ready to go home?"
Danielle looked Vegeta up and down slowly, before glancing over at Piccolo. "Little? Do you have bad vision or something? I can fix that!"
Vegeta sneered at her. Danielle smiled cheerfully, before turning to Becca. "So where am I supposed to stay? And what's with her?" She pointed to Eighteen, who was smacking her head.
Becca looked at Danielle thoughtfully. "Well, Kami does weddings and the blonde android looks cute."
"True..." Danielle smirked before grabbing Eighteen and Yamcha. "Black-hair, you show me how to get to Kami's. Blondie, we're getting married." The three of them flew off into the sunset.
Becca smiled beatifically. "She's going to have fun. Hell, so am I."
The End
A/N: This is a parody of "Angel Warriors", which has since been modified to not be such a horrible Mary Sue. I attribute the modification to a MSTing Juunigou did, mind you.
Special thanks to: Alice Cooper, Juunigou, "The Eye of Argon", and "Dragonball E."
