This is the MSTing of another author's work. Do not sue us. This is for entertainment purposes only. I repeat, don't sue. Trajku wrote this fic, by the way.
(Cue the Season 1 "Mystery Saiyan Theater Love Theme")
It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday AD
There was this guy named Vegeta
Who's way different from you or me
He trained at Capsule Corp.,
Just another weird cohort.
He did a great job training for the Game,
But Dr. Gero really hates Goku
So he shot Vegeta into space!!!!
(Prepare to die!!)
Gohan and Trunks:
We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)
Now keep in mind Vegeta can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he wrecked those special parts
Instead of his friends;
SAIYAN ROLL CALL:
'Poppa! Calm down!'
'I'm not a Saiyan!'
'Only one "a", please.'
If your wondering how they eat and breathe
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SAIYAN THEATER 3000!!!!
Inside a barracks, two Saiyans discussed an important issue. Namely, where one of the Saiyans was the other day. It should be noted that they are both dead, but that can ignored for now.
Raditz was cleaning his katana, while Turles leaned against a nearby wall. Two golden non-halos gleamed over their heads. Do not make the mistake, however, of believing that they are in Heaven.
"So, Raditz, where were you hiding? I searched through half the Hells for you." Turles said.
"I bet you didn't check that little pocket of time orbitting Earth." Raditz grinned at his cousin.
Turles rolled his eyes. "Last time I checked, that wasn't a portion of Hell."
"Never been there, have you?"
* * *
Gohan sighed when the sirens started flashing. Shaking his head, he buried himself deeper into his book.
Dr. Gero appeared on the viewscreen and glared at the Saiyans. "It's time for you aliens to read Dragonball E, Part 3. Go into the Theater!"
"What do you mean, alien?" Yamcha called out from the couch.
"You look more like one than the purple-haired kid. Now go into the Theater!"
With a chorus of groans, Yamcha and Gohan headed towards the Theater. Trunks paused just long enough to grab Vegeta by his shirt and drag him along.
Gohan, Trunks, Vegeta, and Yamcha enter the Theater and take their seats.
>Chapter 21: Going to Space?
>Goku had an advantage over Kakorot for sure. The original
>better than the copycat.
Yamcha: There's been a terrible mistake! Haven't we read this
Gohan: (singing) Haven't we been here before?
> He knocked him into a tree. Unfortunately,
>this turned Kakorot's copy angry.
Trunks: So... Goku is angry?
> Both were already at Super Saiyan
>level 4, but he was being ticked off. He started beating up Goku. Arbo
>was doing horrible.
Trunksie-poo: Wait a minute! Since when was Arbo fighting
Gohan: Isn't pronoun abuse a crime?
Gohan: Well, it bloody well should be.
Yamcha: When did you start hanging out with Brits?
>Traj was using Dehmehgehs and Matakos to beat him
>up. Luckily for him, he saw his chance.
Vegeta: (realization dawns) They're still fused!
Yamcha: Matakos? I know you Saiyans can't go five minutes without eating, but this is ridiculous!
Gohan: Mmm.... Matakos with cheese dip and salsa....
>He and Goku were both falling
Trunks: Who's fighting Goku? Kakarot? Arbo? Traj?
Yamcha: No, just He.
Trunks: He who?
Gohan: The mysterious Mr. He.
Trunks: Doesn't he work in the shipping department of Capsule Corp?
Yamcha: No, that's Mr. Yu.
> He took goku, threw him to the ground, and the copy
Vegeta: Okay. You do that, Kakarot. (muttering) Moron.
Kaio-Ken is a strength-booster.
Gohan: Wow, Mr. He is really tough! Why is he fighting Mr. Him, though?
>They both started beating him up.
Gohan: I told you Mr. He was behind this.
Yamcha: No, now they're fighting Him.
Trunks: So where does he work?
Yamcha: The accounting department.
Vegeta: I thought you said He was in the shipping department.
Yamcha: No, that's Mr. Yu.
Trunks: So where is he?
Yamcha: In the accounting department!
Gohan: Is Him in the accounting department?
Yamcha: No, he manages the Pacific Rim.
Vegeta: (veins standing out on his forehead) I thought you said He was in the accounting department!
Trunks: Gohan, what happened to your grammar?
> Traj butted in and
>launched a Kaio-Ken attack of his own.
Vegeta: There he goes again... Thinking the Kaio-Ken is an energy blast.
>Traj was knocked back by both of
>them. Traj was confused. he couldn't fight them both.
Vegeta: (yelling) Who's he fighting?!
Gohan: And why is He in the accounting department?
Yamcha: Well, He is a math major.
Trunks: I agree with Traj. I'm confused.
>he had an idea.
> He threw up a fool moon. he was transforming into an Oozaru.
Gohan: I didn't know Bulma had a Saiyan accountant!
>and copy looked back, they were freaking out.
Gohan: They inspire such confidence, don't they?
Vegeta: Just like nightfall on the moon of Hunter.
Vegeta: It's a moon that orbits a planet in a trinary system. A set of binary stars on one side and another star on the other side. The nocturnal life is entertaining.
> He had already created a
>Dehmehgeh and a Kadamo. "Have fun. He kicked them both to get out of
Trunks: I see He is speaking of himself in third person.
Gohan: Isn't that usually a divine or royal attribute?
Trunks: No, you're thinking first-person plural. I was thinking of the unclosed double quote up there.
Yamcha: Can the combined English/History class stop now?
> Then, he threw a Kadamo at the copy and a Dehmehgeh at
>Arbo. This knocked them out.
Vegeta: They're all unconscious now. We can go home.
> He threw him into the spaceship,
Yamcha: The eternal battle of accounting and management gets a
Gohan: I thought the battle was between engineering and management.
Yamcha: You read too many American comics.
>dirt in the air, and used a ball of energy to paste it on the spaceship.
Ghost of Turles: Uh, why?
Gohan: Not another dead Saiyan!
Yamcha: Are all our other old enemies going to show up?
Turles: Only the Saiyans. And maybe that good-looking blue guy.
Gohan: Let's not go there.
Yamcha: Listen to Gohan. You should see what he did to my manga.
Turles: You mean there's no more Co-ed Sexxtasy? Damn.
(Turles grabs a seat.)
Trunks: Aren't you going to fade away?
Turles: I can use some leisure time. Besides this is painful, so Commander Bardock won't complain about it.
Trunks: Who are you, anyway?
Turles: Turles, Raditz's cousin. Whatever Raditz said, it wasn't true.
Gohan: He didn't say anything about you.
Turles: Look, it wasn't true, okay?
> Then, he gave Goku a senzu bean.
Gohan: That's what the dirt's for! He's going to plant it on
Yamcha: (rolling eyes) And it will grow into a giant beanstalk?
Gohan: (looks at Yamcha oddly) No... Why would it do that?
>He told him to go in the spaceship
>and turn it on.
Trunks: I thought he was already in the spaceship.
Gohan: I thought He was in the accounting department.
Yamcha: No, that was him.
Gohan: Him was in the accounting department?
Yamcha: No, Him's not in the accounting department. Him is a manager. He is in the accounting department.
Turles: (utterly bewildered) Huh?
>Goku nodded. As Goku went in, he started a Genki-Dama.
>Goku came out, and as the ship started up in the air, he formed a ball.
> Just as it reached out of sight, Traj threw the ball up. The spaceship
Trunks: Uh.... Goku went in, turned the ship on, started a
Genki-Dama, went out, formed a ball, and then Traj took the ball
from Goku and threw it up, and the spaceship exploded for no
particular reason. Is that how the rest of you read this?
Gohan: Ah-ha! That was the rare exploding dirt from Acme Enterprises that they pasted on the side of the ship!
Yamcha: Why are Traj and Goku playing ball? The grandson/grandfather interaction stuff is great, but...
>Both Arbo and Kakorot copy were dead.
Turles: That was some good exploding dirt.
Might even rival the dirt from Ceti Alpha Six.
Vegeta: (looks at Turles oddly) There's nothing explosive about the dirt from there. It just has brain-eating bugs in it.
Turles: That's what's good about the dirt from Ceti Alpha Six!
>The fight was over.
Vegeta: We can go home now.
>Goku lay on the ground in awe.
Gohan: I know we're supposed to be really impressed with the self-insertion character, but this is ridiculous.
>"Well Traj, you did well." "Thanks.
>Could you cut off my tail?"
Turles: (turns a whiter shade of pale) Urk! (wraps tail
tightly around his waist)
Vegeta: I see the kid's a masochist.
>"Sure." Goku took a tree and cut it.
Gohan: Isn't a tree kind of a blunt object for cutting?
Trunks: No, he's cutting the tree.
>knocked it off and Traj changed back.
Trunks: He really is cutting off Traj's tail with a tree!
Yamcha: Wouldn't that kind of... splat the kid?
Gohan: He's an ouzaru right now, Yamcha. Remember to mock the story, you have to read the whole story.
Yamcha: It's more painful that way.
>They flew to Kame House, healed,
Vegeta: We're thrilled for them. Can we leave now?
>Chapter 22: The R-Team
>"What! the earthlings defeated Arbo and the army. No
>Bring out the R-Team," said the great Orhal. "ya, ya, yes sir. Ruran
>and Ramen will be back in a while.
Gohan: Ruran and Ramen, the Noodle Brothers!
Turles: This from someone who's named after bread.
Yamcha: That's better than being named after cabbage.
Turles: (bristling) That's lettuce, you moron!
>They are finishing Planet Jukilia."
>"Good." "They are just healing. They'll be here in a while." The door
Vegeta: Most rulers hate minute-by-minute status reports.
Trunks: Maybe it's just a short while.
> Two green haired, skinny, muscly men came out.
Vegeta: Were they blue, too?
> "Hey boss.
>Ramen here took a while, but I had to wait."
Gohan: (Ruran) We need to get more than one bathroom on this tub.
> "Shut up Ruran. Hey boss,
>what's the next mission?" "Well guys, Earth is very important. They
>destroyed Arbo. You must destroy them. Go now," informed Orhal.
Gohan: What does Orhal have against the Theriomorphic Hellbent
Trunks: What's not to have against them?
Turles: Actually, it's the giant ants.
Gohan: When did you watch old Earth movies, anyway?
Turles: Hell gets real boring sometimes. Why do you think the rest of the barracks wants more Co-ed Sexxtasy?
>take these first. They are able to sense power levels at where people
Trunks: This is as opposed to sensing where they are not, I guess.
> Orhal gave them scouters. "These used to be used
many, but now
>they are coming back. Go now." The two went.
Gohan: They couldn't handle Orhal's grammar any more.
>They would come in about
>a year this time. It was urgent.
Gohan: There was still only one bathroom on
Yamcha: You know, I really hope those two aren't brothers.
Gohan: Don't answer him.
>Chapter 23: The Dragon Awaits
>Goku lay on his bed thinking. There were so much people to
>Dragonballs were about a week from coming back. He was thinking.
Vegeta: He's doing a lot of that lately.
>was with them without his parents. He would be so happy when they came
>back. Outside, Gohan and Traj were sparring. Traj was easily winning,
>but it was training. "Traj, come in here," said Goku. "Hi Goku. I'm
>working on an attack called the Hamagateh.
Yamcha: Is he just stringing random syllables together to come up with these attacks?!
> It blinds the person while
>cutting off their arms." "Great.
Turles: Is this the same soft-hearted sentimentalist that let Vegeta go... let Frieza go... let Nappa go...?
> Anyway, the Dragonballs are about to
>come. Isn't that great?" "Yeah!"
>Chapter 24: Fish?
Yamcha: Did they visit Rally's recently?
Trunks: (muttering) Great. Now him too.
>"Wow Goku. Already all seven Dragonballs. Great."
Vegeta: Lark can count that high? We're impressed.
Gohan: The royal we?
Turles: Of course.
Yamcha: You should see how Lark gets over a ten-cent string of beads.
> "Thanks Lark. Could
>you tell me the password?" "Sure." He told goku what it was. "Fish?
>That's weird. Anyway, it's time to call the dragon." Goku said the
>dragon and a large green thing appeared.
Yummycha: When did Piccolo get in this story?
Gohan: Piccolo's not that large! Anyway, it's "Godzilla vs. Shenron", foolish human.
Yamcha: You've been hanging around Vegeta too much.
Gohan: Well, it was that or read your hentai. And I'm too young for that.
Yamcha: By the way, Turles, would your barracks be interested in Bondage Fairies manga?
Gohan: What! You've got more of them?!
> "You have awaken me from my
>slumber. I will grant you three wishes. Go ahead." "Hmmm...Wish back
>all who died in the battle with Arbo on his men that were on Earth's
Trunks: What he say?
Gohan: All your base are belong to us.
> "All of them will be wished back." On King
Kai's planet, all the
>Saiyans and humans looked at their non-halos.
Vegeta: We look at the non-exit from this satellite.
> "yes, back to Traj," said
Trunks: So I'm the director now?
Gohan: Actually, you're now the narrator.
>"Finally, good job kakorot," said Vegeta.
Yamcha: Hey, Vegeta, what's with the English accent?
Gohan: Hey, Vegeta, what's with saying something nice about my dad?
Vegeta: (ignores them)
>"Great, now I can
>start school again," said Venix. "Well, I guess that's not so good."
>"uhuhuh. You're going to school," replied Goten. "But dad..." "Nope.
>Nada." They all flew to Earth in happiness.
Trunks: Wait a minute! Wasn't Venix Bra and Tien's kid?
Gohan: No, those were Kento and Kenta.
Turles: What kind of names are those?
Yamcha: It's better than being named after a vegetable.
Turles: (looks at Yamcha oddly) No, it isn't.
Yamcha: (looks at the names again) ...You're right.
>"Now, tell me your second wish." "Let's
see. Now why didn't I think of
>that. Make Traj a pure Saiyan."
Vegeta: (looks at Trunks) Hmm... When did you say the
dragonballs will be active again?
Gohan: Not while we're up here.
> "That shall be done." Traj looked at
>himself. he felt a bit stronger. He was confused.
Yamcha: So am I. Half-Saiyans tend to be stronger than pure
Vegeta: Name one example.
Gohan: That's 'cause Mom is Ox King's daughter.
> "Now your last wish,
>and I shall go."
Gohan: Hey, bring that wish back!
> "OK. Let's see. Are there any other people
>"Yes." "What!!?" "Two men named Ruran and Ramen.
Gohan: (Shenron) They're also called the Noodle Brothers.
> There are others that
>will come if they don't succeed." "AHHHH!!!" "They are much stronger
>than Traj." "Thanks."
Trunks: Thanks for inserting a foe that's actually a challenge
for the self-insertion character.
Gohan: You know, the fact that the Noodle Brothers are coming should inspire more running and screaming.
Turles: Why? Noodles are about as scary as Bert the muppet.
Gohan: You've been watching Sesame Street?
Turles: Some demons have really imaginative ways to torture Saiyans.
>Chapter 25: The Desperates
Gohan: Is that the one where Jake morphs a Saiyan and stomps
on Visser One?
Gohan: Didn't you read any books when you were growing up?
Trunks: Do I need to tell you what happened to the public libraries and book stores?
>"What!" "WHAT!" "How in
the!" "NO!" "Sorry guys," replied Goku.
>the Dragon says that only me and Traj can fight. He says it's the only
Vegeta: Since when does the dragon give out combat advice?
Gohan: Usually, Kaio-sama and Kami do that.
Trunks: Lark couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag.
Vegeta: Neither could Kami.
Gohan: Yeah, but Kami has an evil twin who does fight quite well.
Turles: Raditz could testify to that.
Vegeta: You have a point.
>"Well Kakorot, are you sure? I mean you and the little boy.
Yamcha: Here we go again!
Gohan: Bad author! Bad author! No scooby snacks for you!
>You're so strong, but you should definitely have
help," informed Vegeta.
>"sorry, but it's so." "OK then, good luck."
>Chapter 26: Arrival
Raditz: (off-screen) Hey, that's my episode!
Turles: (yelling off-screen) Go away! You've got guard duty right now!
>"How much more time, Ramen?"
Gohan: Only three minutes to boil the noodles.
>"Just a week, and Earth will be on our
Yamcha: (wincing) That's gotta hurt.
> "Hehhehhehheh, this will be fun. Finally, a planet
>give us a challenge." "Yes."
>"Vegeta, when did Bulma suggest that the guys would b coming?"
Vegeta: Bulma suggested those guys were coming? Did she invite them for dinner?
>Goku. "Those losers will be here in a week. Good luck, Kakorot."
>Traj came in. "Hey grampa, how's life?" "Hi
Traj." said Vegeta. "So
>Goku, when are they coming?" "Soon," answered Bulma as she came in.
Gohan: So, Dad learned Ginyu's body-switching technique?
>A week later, the spaceship landed. Traj and Goku waited
in a plain
>with caves and cliffs.
Trunks: In a plain with caves and cliffs?
Help me, I'm having trouble visualizing this.
Gohan: Just let go, Trunks Skywalker.
> No one would come here.
Turles: Possibly because no such place exists in all the
Gohan: You know, for a dead Saiyan you've seen a lot.
Turles: Join the Saiyajin Demon Guard. See the multiverse. Meet interesting new demons and kill them.
Gohan: Be all that you can be?
Turles: That's for Heaven's Guard, kid.
>Ramen and Ruran stepped out. They weren't interested in
>weakling humans...yet. They had a strategy of killing the strongest
>first, then going down to the weaklings.
Vegeta: That's a good strategy. Unless, of course, you start with someone stronger than you are.
> "According to these ear things,
Turles: They're called scouters, bozo.
Gohan: Maybe babel fish learned to talk.
>we should go about twenty miles east to the strongest two
>earth," informed Ruran "A two minute fly if we relax. They're really
>not trying, are they," replied Ramen.
>Traj was charging up a Genki-Dama as was Goku.
Vegeta: Oh, that amusing ritual where Kakarott holds his arms
in the air.
Turles: (growls) What's amusing about it?
>"We won't form a ball
>till during the fight, but this will save us about five minutes," said
Trunks: Are they just going to hold their arms in the air
throughout the fight?
Vegeta: Either that, or they'll wave them around creatively, with more syllables.
> "We need those five minutes for sure," said
Traj. Finally, the two
>aliens came to the Saiyans. "Well, you don't appear that strong now.
>Wow, and I thought Arbo was pretty good. But you two are both at level
>1 million," said Ruran. "Are we now?" questioned Traj.
Turles: Either their scouters are miscalibrated, or they're
idiots and don't read briefings.
Gohan: Are you referring to Traj or the bad guys?
Yamcha: Traj must have been weakened by all that combat. He's only a million now.
>flew up in the air. Goku just stared at the aliens. Traj started
>chargin. He stopped.
Yamcha: Make up your mind already!
> "Well, I would think that a pure Super Saiyan
>would be a lot strong," teased Ramen. "But only 6 million after
>charging? tsk, tsk." Suddenly, Traj changed to level 4 and charged up
>to half power. "Still weak, but it's a small challenge," noted Ruran.
>Then, Goku charged up to level 4 and went to 3/4 power. "Good. This
>should take about ten minutes."
>But were they right?
Yamcha: I don't know. Were they?
Gohan: Where's the end?
Trunks: Oh no, we have to see another part of this.
Vegeta: At least, it's over.
Raditz grimaced. Cleaning up after an idiot human tried to take down a mara was not his idea of fun.
Turles suddenly jaunted in, ruining Raditz's day even more. "Where have you been? It was your turn to keep the maras away from the damned souls."
"Visiting that little pocket of hell rotating around Earth. I was simpy obeying my duty to guard the small pockets from incursions."
"You were just reading bad stories. That's hardly guarding."
"It's will training."
"Who's Will?" Nappa asked as he walked by.
* * *
In the accounting department, Mr. He worked on a spreadsheet. As he typed invoices, the very tip of his monkey-like tail twitched to and fro...